It Begins Now

by admin on December 18, 2014

 

It was still dark in the house as I made my way to the light of the kitchen the tile floor felt cold on my bare feet.  When I got to the kitchen she turned and saw me standing in the doorway.  Something was wrong her face looked so angry. I didn’t know what I had done to make her mad.  She grabbed me by the arm, yanking it hard as she pushed and dragged me across the cold floor to my bedroom.  I was crying and screaming when she threw me in the closet, I hit my head on something, she slammed the door and locked it. I was dazed and frightened. It was scary dark in the closet I couldn’t see anything in the blackness, there were shoes on the floor under me, and my head hurt.  I was lying in the corner where she had tossed me.  I didn’t have my undershirt on, just underpants.  I was cold, scared, crying hysterically, screaming, “Mama! Mama!”  I was 3 years old, locked in a dark closet, I was cold and now, wet.

No one came.

I screamed and cried for what seemed like hours until finally so exhausted; I fell asleep on the shoes.

I woke up shivering I didn’t know where I was at first, but I could see pale stream of light coming from the bottom of the door. I called out again and again, “Mama” crying, pounding on the door, trying to open it.

Nothing.

 

I don’t know how long I was in the closet, I woke up when my father was gently picking me up.  I had messed myself, I was shivering, whimpering and completely confused.  He ran a bath and cleaned me up wrapping me in a towel and putting a cold cloth on the bump on my forehead.  His voice was soft and comforting as he put me in my pajamas and tucked me in my bed staying by my side until I fell asleep.

 

Although it had happened years ago, this memory frightened me each time I recalled that horrible day, even as an adult.  It was never mentioned in my family, never explained, until I revisited the entire scene with the help of hypnosis.

Hypnotherapy is a relaxation technique that is used to focus the mind to make positive changes.  I had been training to become a hypnotherapist, and as an exercise we were asked to choose a memory we had that caused us anxiety.

During the session, as I relaxed and became centered the therapist suggested that I was in a theater, like a movie theater, safe and observing the scene from the past.  When the memory of that confusing day came into view on the screen, I felt calm because I was observing from a distance, without any emotion attached.  As the session went on, it became clear to me what had happened that day.

My father had left for work before daylight, and my mother was in the kitchen. My mother was epileptic.  I had just woken up and changed out of my pajamas, and I came into the kitchen with just my underwear on.  I was showing her how I could put on my own clothes when she grabbed me.  The entire scene continued as I watched.  The march to the closet, the locking of the door, but here it changed.  My mother locked the door and went into her bedroom and had a grand mal seizure!

The entire memory transformed into a new way of seeing and understanding the entire incident. This new perception, changed the entire meaning of the memory.  My mother was trying to keep me safe!  She had only a minute or two to put me where I could be safe before she was completely incapacitated.

Ever since experiencing this incident through hypnosis, I have been free of the fear and anxiety of that memory.  It’s still an emotional experience, but I’m no longer tormented by it.

Did it really happen that way? I don’t know, I don’t know if the first memory was absolutely real either. I know I am free of the fear that caused so much anxiety for so many years.  It was quite amazing to me to be free of fear.

When I changed my perception of that incident, I made a positive out of what had been a long standing negative and that shift released my anxiety about that day.

 

(This is an excerpt from an upcoming book – “It Begins Now”)

 

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